Last day in Japan (235th time!!)

I'm leaving Japan tomorrow. Again. This will be the 3rd time that I'm leaving this country, not knowing weather I will come back and leaving something behind that I want to take with me. At the same time, I feel that there are things at home in Sweden that I am looking forward to. Swedish spring, countryside, the presence of an oven, relatives etc. But still. This agonizing feeling that I am jumping into something where the future is totally unknown and that I might be leaving a period of my life for good that has had a great inpact on who I am maybe without being able to return, is never the less here. I am slowly getting used to some of the procedures however. Organizing farewell parties, how to go to the airport, how to pack and skip the worrying about having remembered to brought everything... But, the feeling that I maybe wont come back again is still stuck in my head. At the same time, maybe it doesn't matter if I can come back again. If I could have brought Tomoya with me this time, things would have been no problem I am sure of it. The sad part is also that the weather here is really great right now. It's like Swedish early summer, the neighbour's dozens of clivias are blooming, and even the lavender on our balcony. I wouldn't mind staying another month. But most of all, I wouldn't mind going home knowing what my coming months would look like. Leaving Japan has a scary connection to the feeling of being lost and not knowing what's coming ahead.
Well, no need to be upset. If everything is going as it usually does, I will be back in a month or two. And hey, I am going to Germany in 3 weeks!